Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
