Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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