the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
where does the pee come out of this thing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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