I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
