On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize