Your face is a jimmy john
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
