If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
