he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
