Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
