Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
