What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
