1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
