Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
