Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
