Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
