I'm laying in your front yard are you home
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
