My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My feet surprised me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
