You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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