so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
