im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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