I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
