Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
