That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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