I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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