Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
