Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
