Just fell off a train. Bad.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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