found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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