I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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