my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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