I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did I show you my penis last night?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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