ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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