Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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