you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
