RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
