It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
