I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
