Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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