Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
