I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
