imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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