i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
