drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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