i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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