i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
