I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
