did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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