ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
