people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
