It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Found the puke drawer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
