we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
God, I missed his penis.
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