She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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