Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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