It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
