Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
