a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
