# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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