My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize