Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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