Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize