I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
vagina is talking i cant
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
