Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
