I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
