Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
