oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm passing your future prison.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
