In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize