so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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