tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
