I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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