he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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