Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
