Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
