just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
