why didn't you poke me back
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
