I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you win again, gameday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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