I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
