am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
